Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
