Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
