i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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