i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
