Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
