i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
