never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Two words: blizzard sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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