They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
