I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize