I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
