Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
