First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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