Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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