the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize