were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
