once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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