Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How does it feel to date your dad?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize