it's like heaven, but drunker
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
