He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
