One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I love you.
Bad choice
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
