Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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