He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
