we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Boobs speak an international language.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
