Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
