He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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