dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
