i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Girls should come with a carfax report
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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