I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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