i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
