I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the condom got lost in my hair
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
