I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
