I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
