Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
