can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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