508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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