those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
