Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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