If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
