Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
