I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
nutella sex= disaster
i dont even know how to be here
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
