I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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