That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
