1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
