This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
