Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
