he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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