You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
