So drunk its hurt
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
