youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Me. At least after what I've been through.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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