im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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