shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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