I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
