discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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