I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
