Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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