I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
