I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
