We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
