every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
