Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
