I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
