i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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