thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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