Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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