I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
