yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
