i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's just like the Real World with babies
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
