Just fell off a train. Bad.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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