Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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