non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They have beer where we have blood.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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